Perry The Platypus: The Doof Files
by Sideshow Bob Roberts
Summary: A random collection of oneshot missions involving Doofenshmirtz Vs. Perry the Platypus, with the occasional appearance by other characters!


**_Alright, well what better way to return than with a good 'ol Doof Vs. Perry story, eh? These will be pretty much random short things, no real point other than having the two duke it out, but perhaps later on there may be some sort of special continuity, but for now...randomness! Good to be back, haha, ENJOY! :)_**

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**Story One: Cleanliness Is Next To Doofiness**

"Just one...more...turn and it'll be done..." The somewhat-evil Dr. Doofenshmirtz grunted and groaned as, with a comically large wrench, attempted to turn a cog on one of his inventions. After a few seconds of making an attempt it finally turned and the machine clicked on. "At last!" He tossed the wrench away haphazardly.

"Now with this I can-" He pulled out a coffee mug and placed it in a slot of the diabolical looking machine, which filled it up with hot coffee quickly, then added some foam. "Enjoy a nice, hot cup of coffee every morning with my brand new Coffee-Makerinator! But I guess now I should work on other -inator, the one that's a little eviler than a coffee maker."

Suddenly, Perry the Platypus flew in through the window, shattering it to pieces. He stuck his landing and immediately got into a fighting pose, as to take down his nemesis.

"Perry the Platypus? You...you know right next to that window there was an open window. I left it open just for you. Excuse me, Perry the Platypus." Heinz scratched the back of his neck as he walked to another part of the room. He returned a few moments later with a dustpan and a broom.

"I didn't _want_ to have to clean up glass today, but excuse me for trying to be nice for once." He swept up the glass, but quickly realized the irony in what he said. "And don't make a noise to that, I know I'm evil. I can be nice, though...in an evil way.." Doofenshmirtz stared at Perry for a moment, feeling the 'I don't totally understand you' stare he got from the platypus. "It made sense in my head, alright?" Still no change in the stare he received. "Fine, no more Mr. Nice-yet-still-evil-at-the-same-time guy!" He used the broom to press a button on the wall a bit of distance away from him.

A hatch opened up on the ceiling and a cage quickly fell down...a few inches away from Perry the Platypus.

Doofenshmirtz stared up at the ceiling and then back at Perry. He clicked his teeth and let out a sigh of frustration a few seconds later. "Well then...Perry the Platypus, do you mind perhaps..." Doof gestured to the cage, as he hoped Perry would just climb in on his own. Of course he didn't, Perry had learned his lesson before about that. "Oh fine, I'll just wildly swing this broom at you instead! On guard-eh!"

Not a second after his fail at using a foreign term, he ran at Perry full speed with the broom, hoping to ram him with it. Perry jumped up and landed on the broomstick, used that as footing and took another jump. But this time afterwords he kicked Doofenshmirtz on the right side of the face, sending him flying across the room. Perry landed on his feet and adjusted his hat.

"Very good, Perry the Platypus! But you are no match for...for..." Doofenshmirtz looked around at his surroundings at that time, but there was absolutely nothing to use as a weapon. "Man, today is just not my day! Can you hold on one second?" Doofenshmirtz got up and ran out of the room quickly.

While Doof was doing that, Perry decided to walk over and grab the cup of coffee Doofenshmirtz had prepared, seeing as he had time to. In the other room there were some clattering noises, ray guns going off occasionally, and at one point Doofenshmirtz shouted at Norm to go away.

Eventually, Doof returned, wielding a large contraption on his back and a hose in his hand that was attached to it. "Behold, Perry the Platypus! My, uh...hm, what does this do, anyway? Looks like it's just a metal box with a hose taped onto it, really. Oh well, like my Uncle Fluffypants always said: Leave me alone, I'm watching flippin' TV!'."

Doofenshmirtz thought to himself for a moment. "You know, once again, in my head that made sense. I-I think I was going somewhere else with that, but it had the word 'flip' in it, and there's a switch here...you get what I'm saying, Perry the Platypus. Now, suffer the wrath of whatever this will do!"

He quickly flipped the switch on the back of it and the machine began to rumble... and then a few seconds later shut down. "What, that's it? Really?" Without thinking, Doofenshmirtz looked into the end of the hose, as he thought that would be the smart thing to do.

Without missing a beat, the machine turned on and sucked his nose into the hose. "Oh, it's my Vacuuminator, that's right!" A very nasal-y sounding Doof shouted out. "Oh, and also, if you don't mind...help me Perry the Platypus!" The bad doctor shouted out with all his might, unable to breathe through his nose.

Perry leapt into action... literally, he leapt behind the panicking Doofenshmirtz, coffee in hand and everything. He made an attempt to flip the switch off, but it stayed on even with the switch in that position.

"Help me, Perry the Platypus, it's sucking out all the snot in my nose! Though in retrospect, I suppose that's good, but do something!" Doofenshmirtz spun around wildly as he panicked, and on the third spin he stopped and pointed at his nemesis.

"Coffee? Are you really drinking coffee while trying to save your archenemy? What...you could've at least made a new cup, I made that one specifically for me, look look, see? It say **World's Worst Villain **right there on the cup. Vanessa got it for me, isn't that sweet? I don't mind the insult so much, it's still a gift after all. But seriously..." Doofenshmirtz resumed panic mode after his mini-rant and started to flail around. "Save my hideously pointy nose, Perry the Platypus!"

Despite only half paying attention to the speech Doof gave, the mention of the coffee gave him an idea. Perry waited for the opportune moment when the lanky buffoon spun his back to him again. And when he did just that, Perry splashed the coffee on the machine and it began to malfunction.

"Ohhh...thank you, Perry the Platypus." Doofenshmirtz said after a sigh of relief. He tried to get the machine off, but the straps were stuck. "Wait, help me get this off before it-" He looked up and noticed Perry salute and then jump out the open window. "...Well at least he used the open window to leave."

A few seconds later, the device blew up on his back and left a very charred and soot covered Doofenshmirtz standing there in his lair, defeated. He coughed and a puff of smoke came out of his mouth. "Curse you Perry the Platypus..." He mumbled quietly before falling to the ground.


End file.
